Why Positive Thinking Doesn't Always Serve
Why Positive Thinking Doesn’t Always Serve
Our return to wholeness means calling in, connecting to and compassionately meeting all aspects of self living within us, even the tender, wounded, rejected or uncomfortable parts.
To become whole means to also love ourselves there, even where it is difficult.
Embracing our sacred totality is how we truly heal, grow and spiritually evolve. This is also how we move out of the spiritual bypassing pandemic (discussed below). Can we stop forcing/feigning/contriving positivity in attempt to avoid more raw, unfiltered emotions or the uncomfortable aspects of our humanity? If positivity is completely authentic, beautiful! But if it’s not, this is your unparalleled opportunity to dig deeper into self.
First we must understand this… Discriminating against “negativity” (whether in oneself or by maintaining the philosophy of ‘only positivity/good vibes only’) is doing great harm today. Of course, this is largely unintentional, but if we are to become fully awake, conscious and lucid to our deeper layers, we must begin to peer beyond the surface of our experience.
When we discriminate against the “negative”, uncomfortable or difficult textures of our emotional experience, we create a division or schism within, unconsciously signaling to ourself/others that not all parts of us/them are welcome into the space. In turn, there is no permission given to authentically connect to and face one’s un-met and unknown feelings.
Discriminating against the negative is actually a form of disguised shaming (and even rejection) of the full spectrum of our emotionality as human. Because all emotions (whether perceived as positive or negative) are actually intelligent signals from our deepest and innermost compass of knowing. We have to stop judging the experience of ourselves (or others) as “positive” or “negative”, and instead allow complete spaciousness to commune with the totality of the emotional body and the deeper wisdom it holds.
I see many spiritual teachers telling clients to just “focus on the positive” or to turn away from that which they don’t want. But have we forgotten what we resist or avoid only persists? The avoidance of remaining inner work by using mental or conceptualized ideas of “enlightenment/transcendence” is actually what is known as spiritual bypass and is a potent issue within spiritual communities and circles at the moment (discussed more below). There is a vast difference between authentic positivity and forcing positivity to avoid negativity. Again, this is something that we must deeply look at if we want to truly actualize and evolve.
Further, embracing both positivity and negativity is not to say that we have to remain stuck or lost in negativity/discomfort when it arises…
but it is to invite ourselves to lovingly and compassionately welcome these uncomfortable textures into our awareness with an open heart (though compassionate witness), and start to receive them in a radically different way— as vital intelligences communicating to us from our emotional and energetic body.
Because, whether we know it or not, what we perceive as pain is actually the gateway to our transformation.
Why is this, you might wonder?
Simply put, pain, discomfort and negativity exists to show us something essential about ourselves. They exist to teach us where we are still armoring or resisting against the flow of life, wellbeing and ultimately love.
The secret of secrets?
The only way out is through.
In order to release that which holds us back from actualizing our higher potential, purpose and genius, we must first intimately and lovingly meet these contracted textures, connect to and commune with them, deeply be with them, tend to them, honor them, and finally integrate their wisdom before we may set them free.
So many unconsciously bypass their wounds (spiritual bypass), using “feel good” spiritual ideas to distract themselves from the pain, hurt and discomfort within them which yearns to be known, met and understood. They want to prematurely “release what doesn’t serve” without doing any real inner work around why these textures are appearing to them in the first place. Yet we must realize that we will never truly evolve this way. Because our return to wholeness involves coming to know the totality of what lives within us. And anything that bypasses this is, in truth, an aversion to feeling and welcoming the full depth and breadth of our human experience. Because life is not happening “to” us but for us (and our soul’s evolution). And nothing ever goes away until it teaches us what we need to learn. What this ultimately means is that everything appearing in our consciousness (no matter how seemingly difficult) is serving our growth and expansion from a soul perspective, even if it’s a challenging growth edge for the human self. Thus, our life lessons will continue to present themselves to us until we can fully receive and integrate them.
For those unfamiliar with spiritual bypass, please read below.
Spiritual bypass is the avoiding or “bypassing” of uncomfortable aspects of existence, unresolved emotional wounds and remaining inner work by shifting focus away through spiritual ideas or mental constructs of transcendence/enlightenment.
In essence, it’s using spiritual ideas to avoid pain at all costs, instead of meeting that pain in loving presence and curiosity. When this occurs, what is actually happening is a dental or avoidance of full engagement with life, and an aversion to intimately meeting the depth and breath of feeling that arises in response to our human experience.
Signs of spiritual bypassing include:
Minimizing, superficializing, or rationalizing one’s shadow/perceived “negative” traits.
Generalized statements when shadow aspects arise to be met, such as “everything is perfect”, “it’s all an illusion, including your suffering”, or “it’s just your ego”.
Overemphasis on the positive to the point of avoiding other emotions.
“Love and light” inserted into every circumstance to bypass discomfort of the moment, especially when something more intense or multi-faceted arises to be intimately held, witnessed or expressed.
Spiritually-rationalized avoidance of feeling deeply, especially our less pleasant emotions.
Spiritual practice and attainment being used to avoid directly and unguardedly feeling the raw reality of our emotional and pain body, and instead keep us safe and insulated.
Overly self-sacrificing by serving others to feel “needed”. Could also include being a people-pleaser/do-gooder, blind compassion, false humility, poor personal boundaries (co-dependency), giving power away, looking for a savior, seeking approval from authority/parents/etc.
Premature Transcendence: Dismissing needs, feelings, and physiological/relational/developmental deficits in attempt to rise above the imperfection (and at times messiness) of being human.
Compensatory Identity: Identifies self as a “spiritual practitioner” to cover up underlying feelings of inadequacy or unworthiness. Harsh self-judgment beneath a spiritual “superego”. Unintegrated aspects of self.
Overuse of psychedelics and plant medicine use to obtain “spiritual highs”; can become a crutch or even an addiction.
Treating spiritual practices like a militant regime; being overly disciplined and too hard on self. Excessive fasting, strict personal practice, etc as deeply unconscious punishment because sees self as not good enough. Feeling a need to go even deeper into spiritual practices if progress isn’t good enough; self-blame; keeps one distracted from having to face and deal with their core pain. (Note that there is a balance between discipline and self-punishment, which is only reveled by delving into one’s underlying motivators.)
The greater the pain of our unresolved wounds, the greater the odds one will engage spiritual bypassing. Moving through spiritual bypassing means turning towards and intimately meeting the painful, unwanted, and disowned elements of ourselves. To do this we must soften, surrender and dissolve our armoring and defenses, approaching them with as much care and compassion as possible.
For the only way out is through.
In this, we begin to turn toward, not away from. We begin to meet ourselves on all levels, embracing the totality of our being. If we fail do to this, we miss the sacred point. For our wholeness encompasses all things, even the darkness and pain.
If doing the inner work feels as though it’s healing our heart, we know we are on the right path.
When the heart heals, it opens and expands, not shatters.
When we open back up to life again and become more comfortable with our discomfort (to see what it is there to teach us), we are able to witness ourselves through the vantage point of higher love and compassion. We will also be able to see areas in which we were previously bypassing, so as not to have felt pain, hurt, traumas, and wounds. It may not always be easy as times, but we assure you, it is the most deeply nourishing and rewarding metamorphosis you will ever know.
Whatever is present right now within you, is happening *for* you, not to you.
Can you sit with it, just as it is?
Really be with it?
Soften into it?
To intimately meet and embrace the discomfort in loving surrender
is the alchemist's gold and the essential foundation of growth.
This is when the magic happens.
Radical truth: We are here to reclaim our wholeness, come to know our sacred wounds then bloom from them, and finally embrace the totality of self. This means letting go of the erroneous New Age belief of solely “focusing on the positive” before we have done the inner work. To no longer insert neat little bow-tied packages of “love and light” into every circumstance when it’s calling for something more— something richer, deeper and full spectrum. If we truly want to enter into a more vibrationally-elevated state of being, we have to do the real work first. And sometimes that work is gritty, intense, messy, sublime, and gloriously human. Remember, we cannot bypass this precious step in our spiritual evolution. We are here to embrace the complete and undiluted offering of what is here calling us in, calling us home…
And in turn, we reclaim our delicious, authentic, innate aliveness.
And to those who may object, yes, our deepest nature is of love and of light, and on a higher level this is true. Yet, from our earthly existence, these general statements can become blanket claims to prevent one from feeling something more uncomfortable, something their pain body is wanting to communicate. It ultimately prevents us from greater growth, dishonoring the multidimensional beings that we are.
The “only positivity” belief is a trap to our deeper development. Because we also must understand that life isn’t always “positive”- and this too is a gift. For example, sometimes our soul needs to sit with a grief of self, of another or the world to incite a new way of being or to expand into a new vista of consciousness. Remember, everything is always happening for us, not to us. And nothing ever goes away until it teaches us what we need to learn. Feeling the spectrum of life is a gateway to soul expansion.
Can we still find love even in the darkest spaces of our being, in others and within the collective?
Can we come to know grace and presence where there was once hurt or sorrow?
On a higher level, can our soul rise from the ashes as the Phoenix and reclaim itself even in the densest worlds of form?
We are here to feel and to know the vastness of what is— this is our greatest spiritual journey. For we are so more than the current New Age thinking.
So let us begin to dance with both our shadow and light, deeply meeting and loving ourselves in the full spectrum of our emotional bodies— even in the sorrow, grief, anger and pain.
Because these tones also exist to be heard.
When we relinquish all ideas of “good” and “bad”, “positive” and “negative”, “spiritual” or “non-spiritual”, we find that even the pain may alchemize into ecstasy, and that all barriers soon dissolve…
Let’s no longer avoid our pain, hurt, discomfort and perceived negativity. Instead, we can remember that these textures exist for a reason. Let’s instead begin to welcome and accept these aspects of us through greater self-compassion, higher love and deep inward care. And when we do this, something precious takes place— we are able to integrate unknowingly-abandoned and disowned facets of ourselves back into our greater wholeness. We are also able to release old stories, beliefs and narratives that were no longer serving us and blocking our higher embodiment.
In essence, we are able to transmute our wounds into wisdom.
Suffering is only an attachment to or resistance of what is— it is illusory in the grander design, but it presents itself to you here in this realm as a call to soften and turn inwards; to meet yourself on the most precious levels, as an invitation for radical growth and transformation. Remember, pain houses a profound intelligence- it exists to show you something about yourself.
Your pain is your great teacher. It is the entry point to self-awareness, higher wisdom and an even deeper, all-encompassing love.
PAIN IS LOVE WITHHELD, UN-MET
PAIN IS OUR DEEPEST LONGING FOR AUTHNETICITY, ALIGNMENT AND WHOLENESS
PAIN IS A SINGAL FROM OUR SOUL...
Pain is a call to soften, and turn inwards.
To commune with our inner landscape.
To create space for the full expression of our emotional body. ...
Pain is a cry to BRING YOU HOME. Back to yourself. Back to your wholeness.
We are so loved and supported by all that is,
that we will be forever CALLED BACK... Called forth... Called in...
Until we return home, into the arms of our most essential truth and the depths of our love, incarnate.
Your pain is the unknown doorway to your freedom.
Have the courage to meet whatever is present as it arises, without resistance. For the most beautiful gems await just on the other side… ©
– Written by Kaya Leigh, Founder of Sacred Breath Academy
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NOTE: ALL WORDS ARE COPYRIGHTED (and birthed from our mind/heart/soul), unless the source is clearly cited otherwise. Please think again before taking our words as your own, as dozens have been doing over the years. This is our deepest life’s work. Please respect and honor it as sacred.
© 2021 BY KAYA LEIGH AND SACRED BREATH ACADEMY. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. All content is for your personal reference and is not intended to be shared, copied or otherwise distributed. Doing so is an infringement of copyrighted intellectual property. Small quotes may be shared and cited as 'Sacred Breath Academy' with permission.